seis:
yesterday minus two weeks ago at this time i was was dancing with a tequila bottle planted firmly in my pocket . spending every last dollar on everyone i had ever known . perhaps that is an exageration. but i was defeniltey buying way more alchohol then could be consumed by the end of the night or even the beginging of the next morning. looking back at the nights past i am glad i can sit here with a sober mind and tell there stories.Tonight as i am driving my friends home (designated).I contemplate the many nights of drinking and driving .close calls. and blackouts. of my past. what a trip how one single event can change your outlook on everything.roll overs car accidents and injuries have not been my wake up calls instead the introduction to buddhist principles of mindfullness.Alot of things came into perspective after spending Three days at the Deer Park Manostery. for instance how as the drunken weekend nights came to a close i would desperatley try and implore as many people as i could to drink with me far after the bars were close. even if it meant buying a couple 30 packs to encourage there desicion.Simply because i was afraid of going home drunk and then feeling lonley. The only reasonable thing i thought to do was keep drinking . atleast until the point of numbness . then theres nothing much to feel. no lonlieness.. desire .nor happiness. but today is a different day . i found out that my addiction to suffering was not longer fun. and that my old friends were no longer helpfull. I know they are resentfull of me . for not paying them much attention. they have been there when no one was .but there time has past and i must move on . my friend rest and compassion,clarity, sobriety,and mr.self love are the new team players. and we have high hopes on the world series.go team.